legal Archives - Author K. Williams

8 Things About Breastfeeding, Especially in Public

June 8, 2018 By Captain Maiel 2 Comments

Look. There’s something I really need to talk about. Being a new mother has made this topic even more poignant.

Breastfeeding babies in public.

I’ve read a lot of news stories. I’ve been told a lot of stories. I’ve even experienced some push-back online. The feeling that you cannot feed your child dogs you through any outings with them. Your stress rises. Those doing the dogging think they’re morally in the right, and there are a lot of folks on that side. I am floored by it. But, then again, we are talking about the domain of a woman’s body. Apparently that makes opinions of others, especially those dictated by men, extremely valid. Sorry, that is sarcasm. I’m not actually agreeing that the arguments against public breastfeeding of babies are valid. They’re absolutely not, least of them men’s opinions on the matter. I can tell you why in a short list, which I had compiled on social media in response to a slew of comments on a post about woman who was breastfeeding in a restaurant. This list destroys all the arguments.

For those against breastfeeding in public, if I haven’t changed your mind by the end of this list, then you’re just out to control someone, and it has nothing to do with decency. The most indecent thing is your desire to control when and how a woman feeds her child.

Let’s get started on the list…

Debunking perverse, misogynistic comments about women breastfeeding in public:

Baby feeding schedules vary enough that carrying a bottle is not always possible.

Pumped milk, if previously refrigerated spoils in an hour (travel time, time of trip since last feeding, and babies variations add up to a spoiled bottle to feed them with).

If you bring an ice pack cooled bottle, how do you warm it up? And that takes a while, and they will cry that whole time. Not only is that annoying to you, but it also adversely affects brain development.

She should not need to cover up, as it obstructs the infants breathing. Do you eat under a blanket?

A lactation lounge would be lovely. To get away from all the perverts! But don’t tell anyone they need to get a room or go to the bath/car. Do you eat in the bathroom? Why don’t you sit in the car until you can join the human race as an adult?

Breasts are there to feed babies. That is their purpose. You’re ashamed of the body’s natural milk gland? Doing what it does? Nurturing an infant? What has got to be wrong with you? And, no, it doesn’t expose children to anything but a mother feeding her baby. It’s in your head that it gets twisted. “The Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2013 Breast Feeding Report Card found that 77 percent of new mothers are breast-feeding their babies, up from 71 percent about a decade ago. And almost half of breast-feeding moms are continuing to do so for at least the recommended six months.” (CBS News; CDC)

Confronting the mother causes a release of cortisol in her brain. This is a stress response. It suppresses the release of milk, and increases chances of postpartum depression. So you’re actually causing physical harm and danger for a mother and her baby. She will not be able to properly feed the child it’s most natural food, when it is most necessary. That is not a choice you should be making for others. Many mothers cannot afford formula, and that goes double for nasty comments.

Harassing breast feeding mothers is illegal in many states/counties. Even post-facto online. (Because of what I’ve written above and legislators understand the health risks caused to mom and baby.)

Do your research. Have some functioning empathy. Drop the misogyny. Enough of the sexualization of breasts! Y’all are twisted. Disrespectful. How dare you look at such a situation as breastfeeding as morally corrupt. Seriously, breast feeding is not PDA. Gah! That’s insane to even go there. WTF people!

Another thing. Stop basically saying that men are animals out of control. You’re disrespecting their humanity.

Please remember, a mother and child are always beautiful, always sacred. Let a mother and child be while feeding.

If you’re a mom, and you want to learn more about your rights, here are some resources I gathered for you:

https://www.parents.com/baby/breastfeeding/basics/breastfeeding-in-public-know-your-legal-rights/

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/01/map-where-its-legal-to-breastfeed-in-public_n_5637301.html

http://www.ncsl.org/research/health/breastfeeding-state-laws.aspx

What to Do If You’re Harassed While Nursing In Public

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Sick in My Heart at This Injustice

February 22, 2016 By Captain Maiel 3 Comments

***Trigger Warning — Sexual Assault***

A friend posted this several days ago, and I immediately shared it. I commented on his post: I think about this all the time. I’m not at all exaggerating. Kesha isn’t an artist that I own a huge catalog from, and in a way, I’m actually glad that I don’t. I’d be even sicker that I am supporting a company that wants to keep a woman the victim of her abuser, in order to make money from her. The continuing victimization of Kesha is every sexual assault victim’s nightmare. Despite her high profile, she too is at the mercy of a patriarchy that deems women less than human—there for consumption. And, Kesha is being consumed. I think about this all the time, ever since it was brought to our attention.

Back when Chris Brown beat the hell out of Rihanna, I stopped buying his work. I was pissed I had anything with his name on it. I am constantly disgusted to find that an artist I support is a monster, like Bill Cosby. To this day, I second guess any i-Tunes purchase that has Brown’s name on it in any way. Rihanna, however, came back fierce as fuck. No one is messing with her. I’m not quite sure how she managed to achieve that. Many victims of violence are drummed out of the public eye, or looked at differently from then on. Tina Turner is the only other female artist that I know of who survived horrible abuse at the hands of her partner and producer and came out the other side an inspiration to all. The rest either hide their story, or are obscured by this veil that falls over them because of talking about it (you know what I mean, that invisible muzzle that is strapped onto our heads to keep things status quo).

I hope that one day, Kesha’s story will be the same. You see, it doesn’t matter who you are. Domestic Violence and rape can affect anyone. It doesn’t even matter your gender. Money doesn’t make you safe, because the perpetrators of rape and abuse are always one of those people who have access to you, and usually have some form of power over. In Kesha’s case, it is her SONY producer, AND the company itself. Yes, indeed, SONY is just as guilty. They’ve ignored Kesha’s reports, and requests and pushed her forward, allowing the abuse to continue because of profits. And her fame is not an excuse that makes her abuse all right–I have, in fact, seen men and women say that this is price you pay for fame. She should be happy and shut up. Seriously? *Puke* Would you say that to yourself or someone you love if you were in her shoes? Stop being an ass hole. It’s very easy to dismiss the suffering of another when it doesn’t seemingly touch your life.

The only place a victim has to turn for justice is the legal system. Unfortunately, as high and might as the legal system regards itself, it is still framed by the mores of our society. Do you ever wonder why more women don’t reach out to the legal system to get help? Why rapes go unreported?

“Being put through the legal and emotional wringer doesn’t guarantee justice.”

Source: Confused Why Women Don’t Report Sexual Assault? Ask Kesha.

I’ve been watching Kesha’s case, right along with friends, family and fans. I watch as a survivor. We never feel entirely safe to begin with as women, but when something actually happens to you, you will never feel entirely safe again. That is not possible anymore. Time doesn’t erase the experience. There is no magical rite of passage through which we pass and it makes everything as it was. So, the survivor’s natural reaction is to want to help another survivor, because we’ve been there, are there. Look at this picture above, and see the solidarity expressed (hand holding, poster, fans shouting support). But, also, some man is reaching for her, as if he has a right to lay hands on her. Sure, he might be an adoring fan or journalist just trying to get her attention, but this is photo evidence of the exact problem with our society: women are considered commodities. The legal system backed that up with their ruling on Kesha’s case. This isn’t the first time she’s faced this ruling. She was appealing a previous decision. Worse, this time the judge was a woman. One would have hoped that someone who has lived as the unequivocally most victimized gender in all studies on the topic would have shown some empathy. Nope. Not a blip of it. There, I truly hope, is a special place in hell for women who hurt other women—just as I hope there is a special place in hell for people who hurt other people. What a willful judgement. I want to cry for Kesha. I think of my terrorized feelings when horrible things had happened to me, and the idea of having to face the perpetrator again and again.

It looked like this (on the inside—because you can’t manifest an emotion that acknowledges the incident outwardly, that leads to a whole ship load of trouble on top of everything else):

Kesha broke down in tears in Manhattan Friday when a judge denied her request for temporarily nullification of her Sony Records contract.

Source: Kesha sobs as judge keeps deal with alleged rapist producer – NY Daily News

The judge has ruled that Kesha is the property of SONY and is subject to their abuses, and the abuses of her rapist producer until the contract at least runs its course.

WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT???

I am left wondering what kind of a world we are living in. I mean, I have an inkling when men like Rubio, Trump and Ted are hailed as heroic. Right and left, these issues are falling down the newsfeeds of everyone and no one is doing much of anything about it. In fact, most make repellent accusations about the victim, compounding the abuse (just look at the derisive comments made about the women who came out against Cosby). Others feed on the suffering, delighting, yes delighting, in it. And, then, there are people like me who want to do something to help, but feel utterly helpless from their armchair, or shut down by the gangs of trolls. What can I do? How can I be of more help to Kesha and others in her position?

There are fans (which you will see on the link above) who are trying to picket the court proceedings, and get something done in Kesha’s favor. However, they too are ignored. It seems that a 65k + petition by Change.org has no effect either. SONY doesn’t give a shit. The law gives less of a shit. Lady Gaga speaks out and nothing. How many people have to say something before these two entities give a shit? Why isn’t Gaga doing more? Is there anything someone as powerful as Gaga can do, or Madonna, Rihanna, or someone, anyone else?

This woman was raped. God, I have no idea if it’s still happening. I don’t care if it isn’t because that doesn’t erase what HAS already happened. I feel her terror in my own heart, the terror that this monster will get his mitts on her again and rape her again. It’s terrorizing, debilitating—It should be fucking illegal!!

Why are we just standing by and letting this happen? I read all these Men’s Rights supporters making comments that feminism is deadly to the world, that women deserve to be raped if they’ve been raped. Did I really deserve to be assaulted at three years of age? Or any of the other times I was accosted? Does my age matter? Does my gender? Does what I wear, because I usually wear jeans and t-shirts? Was it my fault my skirts were lifted, exposing my body against my wishes to my classmates by a young man who took it upon himself to do that? That my body was no longer my own to control, and he decided he was going to enact his will upon it? Or was it all my fault I couldn’t guess how to act to make my ex happy because it changed minute to minute? Who the fuck do these people think they are?

The pervasiveness of patriarchy is why this female judge ruled against her gender. Feminism isn’t the problem. Anti-woman hate is! It’s a goddamn music contract versus a human being’s dignity and autonomy. The human rights court should be making a ruling, and that judge should be asked to step down.

I am so sick for Kesha. I want to help. I want to help her and all the other men, women and children out there who are being abused and stifled, forced to suffer at the hands of an abuser because those abusers have the power to make it so.

Kesha,

I know you will never read this, but…Tina left Ike. Rihanna left Chris. You’re gonna leave this behind you one day. Hang in there. This is not a price you pay for stardom. It is not okay. It is not deserved. It should not be expected.

We are watching. There are many around you and they are not going to let it continue. We will get you free. You will get you free.

Sick in My Heart at This Injustice. FREE KESHA.

Free Kesha now: Sony is forcing her to work

Source: Free Kesha now: Sony is forcing her to work with her alleged abuser — or she doesn’t work at all – Salon.com

K’s Concise Guide to Getting Published.

November 4, 2014 By Captain Maiel Leave a Comment

Becoming a writer has been a difficult journey and I cannot guarantee results or success by this short and to the point guide. However, I can impart how I did it and what might be a good outline to follow for other authors willing to hike the thousand miles through hilly, dense forest only to face a desert of a mountain range and still more climbing to be had. Do it for you because its what you want. Do it because you have stories to be told, because a story told to yourself is not a story told. Do it because you feel the calling. Without further adieu, here is K’s Concise Guide to Getting Published.

1. First and foremost you must decide and understand the commitment to bringing a book to fruition. Do you really want to do this? Is being a writer, novelist, author or whatever you title yourself the end result of the work you wish to undertake? If yes, proceed. If not, then carry on with what you were doing, the rest of this is going to be useless to you.

2. Finish school. I don’t mean just graduate high school or secondary or whatever it’s called these days. I mean, go to college for a four year degree. The craft of writing is never more perfected than by writing under the required non-fiction papers you will be forced to hatch by the 100’s. Not to mention the very informative reading you will be required to undertake. Here you will develop your voice. So, select coursework applicable to the field – English as a major and the topic on which you wish to write (such as history or biology) as your minor. You can always double major if you see fit. Why? Because, reading on your topic makes you an expert and gets you hearing the various voices in current and past writing. It’s a spring board to the writer you’re seeking inside you. In addition, I suggest continuing into graduate work, because this kind of work, especially at a writing intensive college is going to hone your skills.

3. While you finish school, be sure to live and learn — Experience. Anything and everything within limits, of course. The more you experience, the more you can write about with authority. You’ve been there. Watch a lot of films too, ultimately they start as writing. Someone, somewhere penned the ungainly things and then cried tears of sorrow at being forgotten behind the director and actor who just showed up after the big idea work was done. 🙁

4. Write the thing. Sit and write. No excuses. You wanted to do this, so you will find the time. Saying you have no time, you might need to return to step one and review your course. If that offends you, then you’re not going to like what else I have to say on this and other matter. Writing takes time. Words don’t end up on paper by psychic will. How long will it take? Depends on you and how fleshed out in your head the story is.

5. Prepare your skin. No one is going to praise you. They’re going to shred your work like cheese for their pizza. If they do praise you, all well and good, but you’ll never grow beyond the abilities you display in your first attempt and you must want to do better. Criticism of your writing is good for you. It shows where you are weak, and this is no time to imagine that you’re a Pulitzer Prize writer. Ego must be set aside. You want to be a writer, then criticism is part of writing and what makes the good writers good. Anyone of them will tell you how invaluable this is. So, with your head on right, forge ahead. Good feedback on your work will show weak spots and that is where you concentrate.

6. Get and editor, before you seek criticism from professional sources. So you finally finished that monster book project that’s been wrestling out of you since high school. Awesome job! Now you need to find an editor. Not your Aunt Sally or Uncle Steve who is into art criticism. You must go out and find someone who makes a living doing this work. It’s going to cost you, so be prepared. When engaging an editor, be sure you review their credentials (Predators and Editors is a good source to show the scam artists). Someone who charges you per word, might be scamming. Someone who charges according to page is more like it and the charge should be reasonable to the skill that is being employed. Don’t expect to pay around a $100, unless this is a very short piece. I see reasonable charges as between $1k and 3.

So why do you need an editor? You need an editor because no one will look at your typo laden, grammar monster after the first three pages of faux pas send them packing. An editor is a professional of the field. They understand the format and grammar acceptable and can help you perfect your work so that when you go out into the world seeking an agent, you will land one. It’s quite refreshing to open a book with all its ‘to’s’ in order (to, too, and two). However, you will never catch all typos, so take heart, this is what 2nd and 3rd editions are for. 😀

Oh, and there are a couple different kinds of editors: Content editor and line editor. Know the difference. Content editors critique your work and build the story with you. It can be pretty costly. Line editors are those who work on a finished product making sure the grammar is in order. If your budget is tight, save your pennies for the latter because that is what is going to matter a lot when you’re shopping that manuscript around. Some publishers will want to alter your stories a bit even though they are signing you on, and that is because they want to make sure it’s the best book it can be for their bottom line. These are content edits and they could make or break your contract (see step #10).

7. Traditional publishing or Indie? Yep. It’s time for another deep introspection. For those who decide to go Indie, such as myself, you just simply need find a press that meets your requirements. For those who want to be traditionally published, you have a much longer road paved with the tears of writers long dead and unpublished ahead of you. Best of luck to you, but keep in mind that the gatekeepers at the publishing houses are hard-hearted. They talk money, not art. So get your business cap on. As for Indie publishing…you may have issues with it being called vanity publishing and the screwballs all over the internet calling people self-indulgent and egotistical for doing this, but what are traditionally published authors doing? Is it not still the same drives that push them to publish, and what is vain about wanting to tell a story? Those voices are the voices of “don’t do it, cause I couldn’t and I will be crushed if I have to watch another person succeed where I failed cause I gave up on me.” Don’t give up on you for their sake. It is not vain. You’re a writer. This is what you do. Self-indulgence is the point of producing art. You indulge your self to produce with your hands and mind as in any other labor.

From here on this post pertains to the traditional publishing path writer…

8. Agent. There is no way in the order of things that your book will get off the slush pile into the hands of a real editor at a big name (or even small name) publishing house without this artisan of the schmooze. They’re magicians and just as money oriented as the people they’re going to take your work to. They however, are not so hard lined. They like art. They like reading. They love books and writers and artists. They like to get authors situated to one side of them and a publishing house on the other to live their labor of love and win a 15% commission (don’t pay out for copies and mailings, that is supposed to come from their commission – which if you sign a good deal will be plenty, because they do this for several authors all year long).

9. Patience. So you’ve landed an agent who loves your work and is willing to try and place it with a house. Being here is very exciting. You’re on the precipice. However, you must be prepared to wait and, in some cases, even fail. Some books, though well written and fantastic, cannot make it to the market because publishers are niche oriented. You’ll hear, “We’re not sure how to place it–romance or historical or literature…” “Wish this got to me sooner, I already signed a book which will require a lot of work.” And so you wait. You might wait weeks, you might wait months, you might wait years and you might wait until hell freezes over. (Remember that you don’t have to wait until your golden years, you still have the Indie option which, point of fact, is overtaking the publishing industry with great results).

10. You’re offered a contract. Lawyer up. You know why, my smart cookie. Lawyer up. Congratulations.

Now you get to move onto the next lesson. Oh, yeah, by the way you’re not done with the hard work yet. Does marketing mean anything to you? To be continued…