I should have probably published this months ago. It came to me back in June of this year, but my schedule was filling up with ideas, as I struggled to cover all my bases before maternity leave. So, here it is, hopefully none-too-late.
Hazing is a concept that we well versed in, or should be. We’ve seen trials surrounding the violence it can encompass, and the tragedies, too. Some of us call it bullying, when it’s less serious. Year after year, we’re witness to its recurrence. Usually the dynamic is between the new and previous generation(s). For instance, in a fraternity the freshman are hazed by their upperclassman. They feel this is warranted because they went through it. Some of them want to give back the torment they got. Torment? Sometimes it borders on torture. Go ahead and google hazing stories from the news.
But what is the point of torturing the next generation? The point is that the aging generation wants to give back what they got. Not all are coming from a sociopathic desire to shell out pain, but likely they’re at the center of encouraging it, as they usually do. Hazing, like it’s good side bullying, is a learned behavior. We’re taught that these actions are acceptable and expected. Picture the fraternity example again, and how much those young men enjoy the effort. Keep in mind that the pledges put up with it because they believe this is how things are supposed to be. This doesn’t erase those times they become frustrated or angered by the actions of their brothers. What it does do is give them buy in. Thus, they perpetuate the hazing to the next group that arrives beneath them. This is just how it’s done.
The other point of hazing is to ensure conformity. The expected behavior is beaten into the pledges. If they want to become full brothers they will comply. In this manner, the hazing is seen as a right of passage. Through these actions social dynamics, mores and values of the group are absorbed. The buy in.
Generationally speaking much the same dynamic is going on. To keep things clear, I will state the groups as a whole, without bothering to say that not everyone who identifies with them is doing this. (If you need that clarification, I’m not sorry you’ll be too uncomfortable to realize it is implied.) Continuing on…
There are those who enjoy spreading the pain, and encourage the hazing beyond acceptable levels. Then, there are those who want to impress those spreading the pain (as those sociopaths often situate themselves in seats of prestige among the larger group). These individuals do a great deal of the work, and take pleasure in the discomfort they cause. It makes them feel superior and strong. And these individuals recruit others through manipulation (convincing them with supposedly valid sources that justify the need for hazing). These people passively do a lot of the work. They’ve bought into the belief peddled, and go forth to evangelize. They are less direct, seeking to only confront the issues when they see them and they have the energy to speak to it.
The point here is to conform to social conventions the generation manipulating the clap backs to the new generation have bought into. It happened to them. They will pass it on to the next.
In the case of Baby Boomers, they have done this to Generation X and are shifting their attentions, quite vehemently, to the Millennials. This is why you see so many articles condemning Millennials. I saw the same thing when I was coming up, depicting my GenX as lazy good for nothings. (Google articles from the 1990s.) Unfortunately, my generation took it, and absorbed it, and largely accepted it, conforming to the expectations of their parent’s and other elders. We trusted they knew what they were saying. But, even if we didn’t, our own generation folding to the pressure began to reiterate the mantras.
A great example of this happened in 2016 during the primaries and election in the United States. Baby Boomers (especially white cisgender women) on the left cursed the Millennials on the left for not conforming and costing us the election. Never mind that there were enthusiastic supporters of Clinton from the Millennial group. Regardless, Boomers employed GenX in the brow beating they believed would make these young people comply and give them what they wanted. It was not about doing the right thing. Boomers largely had this vision in mind and thought they could leverage their years as good enough reason for others to listen and comply. What they ignored, buying into their own hazing of the Millennials, is that they were talking down to a group that is really quite savvy. Millennials are the children of GenX and Boomers. GenX hadn’t been completely beaten down when they started having kids, and they were teaching them the activism they had learned from their parents before those people were forced to comply by Traditionalists. (Remember the anti-hippy talk of the older generations during the 1960s? Those are Traditionalists.)
Just like I saw happen with GenX, I’ve witnessed a number of Millennials currying favor with Boomers and others by agreeing that their own generation is a real problem. So what are the problems these generations claim Millennials have? One is that they don’t have drive, they don’t stay in the jobs they take, their way of dressing and doing their hair, and their use of technology. It’s the usual list of complaints the older generation has for the next, because those are the things that were said to them. They learned this list and are now going to pass on the hurts to make for a buy in to the social dynamic they accepted. I’m still trying to figure out why that is so important to them to do. These were the people who brought us the Civil Rights Movement, Women’s Liberation, Free Love, and a number of other social advances that made us truly more free in the land of the free. It wasn’t perfect, and there is still work to do because they caved to the Traditionalist hazing. That’s why you hear them say, it’s too hard, as an excuse to GenX and Millennials why they wouldn’t take their issues on. They would take a long time to achieve and we needed to be realistic about it.
Well, pardon Millennials for not buying that crap. They’ve watched things come into being quite fast for their whole lives, so they know you’re blowing smoke up their ass. The problem is that the issues of today aren’t filling the sails of those in a place of power, those who can make things happen.
First of all, Millennials are driven, they’re out there looking for the right job and not taking shit in the meantime. They don’t have to, just because another generation did. Why are we still attacking people based on their clothing and style choices? I thought we were growing past the bullying and shaming. I also thought that we matured when we grew older, but I’m not seeing that here. As for technology, I think the complaints about Millennial use of technology is based on a fear of evolving technology and how it may make us irrelevant.
Perhaps hazing for conformity is about that, too. Boomers, Traditionalists, and even members of GenX are scared they will be irrelevant. I’m happy to say that GenX seems to be quite supportive of Millennials for the most part, recognizing their not gonna take shit attitudes and appreciating it. Millennials don’t want to waste time on things they know don’t work, or learn are not working. I have a lot of respect for that. I also really respect that they know
they deserve better than what they are being handed. They’re not going to work themselves to death for crumbs. Not one generation discussed here should work themselves to death for crumbs, but they have and they think others should be proud to do the same. I think that’s just insane. You should want better for the future, for your children and grandchildren.
Instead of fighting Millennials, realize that what they are exhibiting are strengths. Learn to work with them instead of pushing the fight to change them into another generation who gives up and takes the few crumbs they can grasp on the way out. Millennials are facing a lot of issues that were accepted and exacerbated by the very people trying to condemn them, and that is a huge pile crap. It’s abusive, in fact (gaslighting). Hazing for conformity here will only cripple our society further, possibly irrevocably. So let’s not haze them. Let’s listen to them and figure out what we share in common and get to work accomplishing that too hard to change list of things that has needed our attention for decades. Because, GenZ is on the way, and they deserve better than this, too.
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Hmmm…Putting words to my philosophy takes some thinking. I think that is the moment you find the plot holes in your story, and it doesn’t quite lend to as much free thought as you’d like. The brain loves to protect it’s worldview. I’ll do my very best.
in, or where things had gotten difficult to the point of utterly hating the job. I remember sitting in a room with other candidates to be tested on our typing skills. I had been doing data entry for 6-7 years, and was chatting with friends online, so there should have been no fear of failing. Still, my hands shook. I told myself to keep going, and that it would be over soon. I passed, well above the minimum, but still well below my actual speed.
Secondly, celebrate your wins because this will be over soon. Don’t wait to recognize what you’ve accomplished, because you don’t know how long you’ve been allotted. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do better next time, but don’t forget that you already did it once. Failure to do so can keep you going along the same path as before, and that doesn’t help you get better by analyzing what did and didn’t work. Besides, what worked last time may not work at all next time. Life is not like a rigidly framed video game. The options are endless.
Last year was tough. Real tough. We suffered through so many hardships and lost so many notable persons. I also noticed that, while we suffered, many of us looked to others to be the hero. Instead of rallying and taking steps to rescue themselves, people wallowed in finger pointing and lamented their fate. People behaved like helpless children relying on their parents to act. And, that reminded me of 
Do you remember in high school how all those students maligned the smart kids who applied themselves, and bullied them for not conforming to the expected behavior of disinterest and virtual failure? I wasn’t a straight-A student until my graduate courses, mainly because I was so painfully bored by the system of education taking part was painful, and that, in a lot of cases, I was taught by those who weren’t straight-A’s either—but expected responses verbatim to the answer key, and only had the power to pass on their flawed knowledge. Veer off by a word in your answers, and you were just plain wrong. If your choice of vocabulary failed to conform, or reached beyond the capacity of the instructor, you were marked wrong. Students are taught to memorize and repeat without variation. To conform. Ah, but that is probably another thing to write on at a later time.
Clinton supporters blindly followed her despite all the reason they were handed for once again passing on her as they had in 2008—when an inexperienced Junior Senator made more sense. It was pretty disingenuous of them to say that experience mattered suddenly, eight years later. If experience was such a big deal, then she shouldn’t have been passed the first time by them. I can’t even begin to unravel the convoluted reasoning that was used to support her. It pretty much just boiled down to wanting to elect the first democratic woman president in their lifetimes (which is why republican women weren’t viable, if you’re still asking that). Gender is not a good enough reason to chose a leader. The fact that the one they put forward was riddled with issues, from being one of the most corrupt and hated persons in the United States to an inept speaker, only set up a larger disappointment. But, you couldn’t tell them that. They were all in.
If you want change, real change, then you are going to have to get up, set down the beer (or wine) and WORK. Life isn’t a spectator sport. No one else can be blamed for the things that you allow to happen because you can’t be bothered to participate. There are very real consequences facing humanity, and no one is going to save us but ourselves, each and everyone.
Resilience in the face of failure is easier said than done. Let’s get that on the table right away. It matters that we understand that facing setback isn’t as easy as a lot of gurus would have you believe. With age, it also get’s harder. We’ve been worn down. The energy and psychological strength is taxed.
A leadership conference I recently had the benefit of taught about resilience. The main thing that came up was understanding that every project, every endeavor, will have obstacles. Of those obstacles, things that you can mark as failures (such as getting turned down by agents and publishers, your publisher closing, losing part of your team, miscarriage or abnormal embryos) should be expected. Certainly be thankful if one of your goals just falls in your lap, because that is a gift on which you can both rest and build. Easily attained goals may also crumble at a later time (such as getting picked up by a great publisher, and thinking you finally are set in that department). Even if the outcome doesn’t look like what you thought it should be, it was still a success that helped you rest and plan from. And that needs to be remembered. Each success, no matter how long or short lived, leaves clues to how to move onto the next success.
