ego Archives - Author K. Williams

The Negative – Open Book Blog Hop #349

November 14, 2022 By Captain Maiel 8 Comments

♦Welcome to another edition of the Open Book Blog Hop!♦

Topic #349
How do you deal with negative feedback? Do you
have tips for critiquing other writers’ work?

Welcome back to another Open Book Blog Hop! The authors included in this ongoing series wish to thank you for your reads. Even more so, we appreciate that you share our writings with friends. If you’re new to the series, welcome aboard. The authors engage and impress weekly. Prepare to become a regular reader.

Negative feedback gets a bad rap, but that isn’t entirely unwarranted. We all know that well intentioned communication can go sideways very quickly. Not everyone is good at delivering bad news. Some enjoy delivering bad news, often saying they’re just blunt and to not take it personal. What a manipulation that is!

That said, a writer should expect more negative feedback on their work than positive. That is how this all works. Why does it work like that? Because the publishing industry is about selling a product to the public. When you are in that line of work, you have to be able to take the feedback. If you won’t listen to the customer or the liaison of the customer, you’re not going to thrive.

Once again, however, I want to remind you that you shouldn’t always listen, either. Are you confused yet? There are a few types of negative review. There are legitimate critiques that help you grow, which usually cite the mistakes you make. These are not personal but stick to the problems of the writing. While you might want to take that personally, it isn’t personal. We writers are close to our works and it is hard to separate our feelings from them. If you plan on getting better, doing well, and having a career, you will need to be able to view your work apart from personal.

towel day, don't panic written on the cardboard roll left with no toilet paper

Another kind of negative review is the troll review. This is done by people with nothing better to do. It may also be done by those targeting you or authors in your genre/topic. These you can absolutely ignore. While it is anxiety inducing to have a 1 star review that is obnoxious and cuts personal, you need to ignore it entirely as if it isn’t there. Even when this review lowers your marketability on a site and contributes to obscuring your work, the worst thing you can do is respond. Not only do you give the troll what they want, but you’re showing the public your whole backside! You’re gonna have to take that on the chin. Trolls ruin everything and readers know about them. Don’t engage and give readers a reason to believe them!

I’ve encountered the nitpicker feedback, which falls outside of the realm of trolling. This isn’t targeted although it is honestly mean spirited at heart. When you don’t like something, as they say, keep scrolling. Yet, there are those cannot help but voice their opinions. I am not sure if they’re seeking community around the dislike they have, or why they would waste their energy, but they feel quite compelled to leave a review. These often carry 2 or 3 stars and effectively lower your reach, as well. Some trolls do pose as this group. Again, do not engage.

Lastly, there’s the mixed review. These are close to the first type. They carry a lot of good praise, but they will also point out where you failed for them. You can’t please everyone. Take what serves you from these reviews. You could still quote them, just leave the star rating off (because less than 5 is not worth bragging about). Mixed reviews are a great tool for improving your work but, as I said before, not every word serves you. You’ll need to be able to discern what is helpful from what is just a difference of opinion.

When discerning what is a difference of opinion, consider the source. Average readers do know a lot about the stuff that they read and their opinions are valid. This doesn’t mean that you need to change the way you write, what you wrote, or how you wrote it to please them. I bet if you had a conversation around the feed back that you’d find the dislike is subjective.

Have you ever watched a Television show and really hated the way a writer did something, but you although you would have done it differently, it worked just fine for their work? Maybe you disagreed with how something played out, making you shout at the screen? That’s what is happening in many mixed reviews. You still made them feel something and that means you did your job and did it well.

Engaging with reviews should be done carefully. Don’t ever try to contact someone because they failed to give you a glowing 5-star review. That kind of behavior isn’t acceptable. You’ll need to be okay with negative feedback and harvesting what you can from the information in those reviews. It’s all part of the business. Not everyone is going to love your characters or how you played out the story exactly as you played it out. Most won’t bother to write about it. Those who do are doing so for other readers. Keep this in mind: that might be what hooks a reader. While the reviewer didn’t care for that, someone else might feel that is a great idea!

Perspective is everything! Take what you can work with and leave the rest. Sometimes, you’ll find, that with time a harsh review was spot on and helped you rise to another level. Growth is part of every journey. So, don’t expect to be a Pulitzer Prize writer from the gate. That’s a fantastic goal to have, but it takes growth from a disciplined journey. Roses are earned.

Let’s hop on over to see what the other authors have to say on the topic!

The Dark Side – Open Book Blog Hop #266

March 22, 2021 By Captain Maiel

♦Welcome to another edition of the Open Book Blog Hop!♦

Topic #266
Whose perspective do you like to write from best, the
hero (protagonist) or the villain (antagonist)? Why?

Welcome back to another Open Book Blog Hop! The authors included in this ongoing series wish to thank you for your reads. We appreciate, even more so, when you share our writings with your friends. If you’re new to the series, welcome aboard. The authors engage and impress weekly. Prepare to become a regular reader.

Admitting which side of the protagonist/antagonist fence one prefers to write on is a matter of ego. In that case, it can be a trip to the dark side. We all like to think the best of ourselves. It’s important that we do. Otherwise, we risk suffering depression and thus illness that can be exacerbated by negative mental attitudes. Having a positive self-image isn’t a bad thing! Just like anything else, engaging to excess can be a problem.

From The Trailokya Trilogy, Photo by Ramdan Authentic on Unsplash, person on a dark and foggy forest path — Photo by Ramdan Authentic on Unsplash

Exploring my spiritual awareness and improving myself has led me on many introverted explorations. Writing on the dark side has allowed me to see that side of myself that many would prefer to keep secret and unknown (even to themselves). Facing the inner self is fraught with ego threatening pitfalls. Personal growth, however, requires a good long look. It’s easier to say don’t be afraid than to actually not have fear of who or what you really are down to the core.

Human emotions and desires can be quite scary. Finding horrors within ourselves can cause existential crisis, too. But, I’m going to say, there is a way to engage with it on a level that isn’t so frightening and is productive for personal growth: writing. Perhaps, that is why we authors write?

When I’m writing, I love to explore those emotions and feelings I feel foreign and horrific. Of course, that’s easiest in the role of villain. I’d recommend trying to apply the unseemly to the protagonist, though. You know, the one the reader is to identify with most closely. Yes, this creates an anti-hero, which, Lord knows, is overdone to the gills. But, if writing is your outlet, and you feel that there are as yet unexplored elements in such a role–you must still try.

Writing books isn’t just about creating a product for consumption for others. The author engages with writing because they have a need to create a communication. To tell a story is to have a conversation about things that don’t pass in every day conversations. They have no place in chit-chat. Novels and stories explore difficult topics in the human condition, often posing questions (if not answers) to some great questions. They help us to learn to empathize. Stories communicate commonalities. A novel could explain the horrific in detail that makes it understandable (not acceptable but understood).

The ugly feelings and wants that humanity often holds in the dark are safely let out within writing, too. Have you ever been so angry you just want to beat the hell out of someone? I’m sure it was around something very serious that truly upset you. Those feelings have to have a place to go. Why not write them into a character and let them act out on the page? Did you know that exercises in imagination can be very cathartic and provide closure for your mind? The brain can accept a trip through a mind exercise as good as reality.

When writing my villains, the catharsis I seek is seeing justice in the end. They’re often unrepentant, as one review mentioned of the father in OP-DEC. This is because I have never found people who are abusive to be honest about it. My other books focus on paranormal figures, such as Demons, so penitent devils don’t make much sense either. I write them exactly as they should be, in my opinion, and that is consummately evil.

The point of writing villains so fixedly is that they also present archetypes to the reader and myself. For instance, Morgentus is a baron of hell, while Dominic is a narcissistic human. One presents an archetype. The other is more fluid, but still dark. One can write the deepest and darkest into an archetype of hell, while a more fluid villain that is closer to an average human can contain the more nuanced aspects. The latter is harder to write. It’s more uncertain, more sympathetic. It’s upsetting to write an abuser as a sympathetic character, especially when it comes from past experiences. This can feel like making excuses for the person instead of appropriately placing responsibility upon them.

the baron morgentus The Trailokya Trilogy book two burning down

I did not like writing Dominic because of the sympathetic aspect of the character. I didn’t exactly love writing the demons either. There’s always that part of me, the child sitting in the Episcopal pew, worried about what it might dredge up from the shadows. I still know that exploring these thoughts is helpful to uncovering my whole self. Do we fundamentally reject this darkness because it scares us or because we know it is part of us? How much a part of us?

We can all get ugly from time to time, especially in the worst situations. If anyone ever harmed my child, for instance, I would snap. I feel that fear deep in my gut. Doesn’t every mother? Regardless, it shows me that I am capable of scary extremes under the right stress. That part of me is easiest to explore in the guise of a villain. And although I don’t like it, I find it more necessary to my growth than writing the hero (which I feel just strokes the ego).

Click on the links below to find out which way the authors below like to write best…

Confidence and Narcissism – Open Book Blog Hop #189

September 2, 2019 By Captain Maiel

♦Welcome to another edition of the Open Book Blog Hop!♦

Topic #189
Does a big ego help or hurt writers?

Welcome back to another edition of the Open Book Blog Hop! If you’re new to the series, the authors included are grateful for your reads and appreciate, even more so, when you share our writings with your friends. If you’re new to the series, welcome aboard. The authors engage and impress weekly. Be prepared to become a regular reader.

What constitutes having too big of an ego? In that, what are the behaviors that create a detriment to relationships? Not all people with big egos are deplorable to those around them. Some of them are very magnetic, very likable. Others will rub some the wrong the way, while a measure of egotistical persons are loathed.

A narcissist isn’t automatically hated. The most likeable folks can be major narcissists. Ask anyone who has been abused by one! Not all narcissists are abusive, though.

Sadly, many of those in the arts, especially those who make a killing at it, are judged by the greater portion of society as having large egos. I’m not keen on believing that. I think it takes lofty minds to create, and minds that aren’t always focused on the appropriate ins and outs of interaction with all human beings—creating some social awkwardness. However awkwardness manifests, it can be viewed as offish or snobbish by the person on the receiving end. In reality, it might just be a lack of grace in parting from a conversation. You don’t have to have Asperger’s to not be clued in on all the social graces. Also, some individuals lack grace in their expectations of others, such as meeting an author or artist and expecting an interaction different than what you get (not deep or connected enough, because the artist doesn’t owe you intimacy and friendship). A lot of people, for some reason, expect so much from celebrities, for instance, like making off color comments they think would be embraced, touching, or forcing more conversation. Then, you hear about how rude the celebrity was, and you have no gauge by which to judge other than the word of the storyteller.

Ego is in the eye of the beholder.

Being a public persona takes a certain level of showmanship, and showmanship takes a level of ego. Narcissism is something we all have to a degree, so it shouldn’t automatically be defined in the negative. Malignant narcissism is a whole other bag of tricks!

Let’s think about the portrayal of Tony Stark from Marvel’s Iron Man. He’s interesting, fun to hang out with, and a lot of people cheer him on. In the beginning, his ego has negative repercussions, which precipitate issues (or as he calls them demons) he has to face in order to maintain a positive balance. However, he never loses his ego. Part of his charm is that attitude, and by the end of all of the films, the fans adore him. The same is true of some of the most famous authors. Ego was sometimes responsible for causing feuds between them, too, just like between Captain America and Iron Man.

Part of the reason that I think I struggle with expanding my readership quickly is that I lack the ego and style that attracts people. I often wish I had the magnetism of Stark. Imagine the heights to be reached with your work if you had the money and style of Tony…

It would be exhausting. I’m an introvert, and even though I can adapt to extroverted behaviors, it takes so much out of me. Then, of course, there are the larger bullies and larger expectations. I’m not sure how celebrity level authors and artists manage all that, but they seem to do so beautifully.

All that said, I prefer those who are down to Earth and have a healthy excitement about what is they get to do. Confidence is great and it does help with the job. Confidence, let me remind you, is a matter of ego. It’s true! Where malignant narcissism is the negative aspect, confidence can be considered the positive aspect. So, a healthy level of ego does help an author succeed, as it does anyone in business.

Don’t forget to see what the other authors had to say on this topic by clicking on their links below…

The Plight of the Bitter Nerd: Why So Many Awkward, Shy Guys Mistakenly Blame Feminism | Alternet

January 23, 2015 By Captain Maiel

The battle of the sexes is another of those senseless wars fought on behalf of ego, which has been fed by propaganda. Goebbels couldn’t have done it better. Men think this about women, and women think this about men–and it’s all based on situational comedy and romantic comedy films, something someone read in that gender health magazine or pander to women weekly, machismo monthly. It’s about taking sides, and shutting down the most important piece of communication between people: listening.

The rhetoric flying back and forth empowers both sides to behave with impunity. However, there is one area in which it is reasonable and necessary to defend the heart of things: Feminism. Feminism isn’t about women being placed in power above men. It’s about equality. Yes, I agree the name of it is misleading, but current generations didn’t select it–neither did Marxists, Socialists, Communists, Corporatists, Masochists, etc. The name is almost always selected by an outside group, and probably by those in opposition to a movement. So, don’t get hung up on names. Feminists aren’t here to collect your manhoods. They’re here to guarantee equality for all genders. The idea of gender, remember, is finally expanding to better encompass the reality of human identity.

As stated above, the war between the sexes allows both sides to behave with impunity, but there is one behavior which is unacceptable: victim blaming. That’s not exactly what the author of the next article calls it, but that’s what it is. The article is a story about a man who blames women for not making it easier on him to hit on them. He blames women because he can’t get laid. He blames women for the way the movement makes him feel singled out and a monster. As the author states, all of this is in the man’s head, which is troubled, proof in the confession that he sees a therapist. Troubled minds aside, this man’s status as professor and wunderkind marks him as an authority figure to most other men. Sot he things he says hold weight. The blame he places on women therefore gets carried forward. So the misogyny continues, with implied permission.

The important part of the article, and this is what makes it so powerful, is that it’s coming from a man also of perceived authority. His words that you’re imagining this victimization at the hands of women while actual women are experiencing actual violence at the hands of men. The two are not similar, and do not stand as equal complaints. What happens in your head can be ugly–real ugly, but if it doesn’t come out of your head into an action–then nothing! It was a mere thought. Women are being literally raped, not raped in their heads by things they see or read–and men are doing the raping. It’s a harsh reality for men, but they’re the ones who can stop it. Just because you’re awkward and shy doesn’t mean you get to shut down a movement meant to bring equality to all genders and stop the sexual assault of those deemed unequal and objectified by society enabling their assaults.

The way the author puts–is exactly the words I’ve been trying to come up with to defend feminism for a while, and I am glad I read it. I am glad that a man is standing up, and despite his experiences with rejection, saying this is unacceptable guys.