doggy Archives - Author K. Williams

Easter Shagbottom Bunny

April 1, 2016 By Captain Maiel

It’s time again for another episode of Shagbottom Theater!

We have an eggstravagant addition to the Theater this month. It’s Ostaraful of fun! Pull up your spring green tufts of grass, have a seat and enjoy!

Shagbottom Theater #18

Well, that was as colorful as a Styrofoam package full of dyed eggs. Sadie Sue never disappoints. Here’s a video of the girl opening her Easter basket this year. Yup, she gets an Easter basket. I figure that since dogs lives are so short and they give us so much in that time, the least I can do is return some fun and love the best way I know how.

So what did the Shagbottom get in her basket? Lamb Lung. Thanks, Bark Box. 🙁 LOL

Here are the outtakes for extra measure…

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Hungry Dogs Starting Fires

November 27, 2015 By Captain Maiel

Hungry dogs starting fires isn’t some cartoon, or even a Buzzfeed post. In 2010, it was reported that over a 1,000 fires are started by pets. This is why it’s so important to train your pets to stay down off the counters and not to counter surf. The food that they’re trying to sneak is only the tip of the iceberg.

Like Brookfield, the black Labrador below, my Sadie Sue Shagbottom doesn’t always take no for an answer. Most animals have an enormous food drive. Think about it. Dogs, for instance, were bred down from wild animals that hunted/scavenged for food. Their prey drives and foraging drives are not muted or overwritten by centuries of living among humanity. For many of those centuries, they were at the mercy of their masters to get scraps, or still hunting on their own. Even to this day, many cats are left outside and they still hunt to feed themselves. A lot of pets would be able to regress to a natural state and survive. That is because they’ve never really evolved past it.

What reinforces these behaviors is the reward system, as with anything else in training. If you leave things on the counter tops, even just a dusting of flour, a nip of gravy or smear of butter, they’re getting what they’re after: the taste of human food. Human food is just food. Dogs don’t see it as yours or theirs. They may see it as the ambrosia of the gods because it is yours as opposed to their own food, which you never touch. Dogs base their assumptions on our clues—we don’t like their food, so why should they?

That said, one fine day, I was busy at work in my office when I smelled something like rotting eggs. I dismissed it at first. After all, I do have a dog and they do pass gas. Then, I realized that my boo wasn’t in the office at my feet. So I went looking for her, and the smell grew worse. I was concerned that she had an accident in the house, but then I heard the hiss of the gas on the stove.

In her effort to find a tidbit on the counter to make her afternoon, she had surfed over the stove and depressed the knob, which then slid around, turning on the gas. The house was full of it. Any fireman can tell you how dangerous that is. I was lucky to smell it in time and not be gassed. Also, I was lucky that it wasn’t so thick in the air that a spark didn’t ignite the house in a fireball.

So, from that point forward, I kept tabs behind the knobs to keep them from turning on unintentionally. But, then a friend who was baby-proofing her home mentioned covers. I had not even thought about it. A great many tools that we use for making the house safe for children can be used for ensuring the safety of pets. You can also check to see if there is a pet version (which there usually is for a premium more). A great example is that a friend of mine needed to keep a dog out of the cat food. She found a metal baby gate with a pet door in it (cat sized). It works amazingly, and the tiny door is so Alice in Wonderland.

So, the lesson is, doggy proof your home and train them well—just like babies.

Also, while we’re talking fire and pets, here are some tips on Pet Fire Safety.

Call Ca-NINE-ONE-ONE immediately!

Hungry Labrador Sparks A House Fire After Mistakenly Igniting The Stove

BarkPost

Dogs Will Snub People Who Are Mean To Their Owners | IFLScience

June 26, 2015 By Captain Maiel

When I first read the headline I didn’t believe it. After all, I have owned dogs my whole life. I’ve never seen a good dog ‘snub’ anyone. I haven’t known many bad dogs, but they all ‘snubbed’ everyone. That said, some amazing studies are coming out of Japan regarding canines. It’s worth the read…

‘Fall out with the owner and you might need to beg forgiveness from their dog. In a recent study, to be published in the journal Animal Behaviour, it was found that dogs will generally turn their noses up at food offers from people who were mean to their masters. So next time, you should probably lead by example and be slightly more paws-itive to a dog’s owner.’

Dogs Will Snub People Who Are Mean To Their Owners | IFLScience

An Interview with Miss Shagbottom Star of Shagbottom Theater

June 15, 2015 By Captain Maiel

Sadie Sue Shagbottom is a rising dog star, and founding member of Shagbottom Theater.

She was rescued from Louisville, Kentucky back in 2010 by author K. Williams and has been living in New York since. This feisty redhead has grown into quite the character and is now the star of Shagbottom Theater, a variety video vine that grows out of this blog. Audiences are usually treated to some of the most scathing of satire regarding Shagbottom’s life and politics. Sometimes, her soft heart is revealed, as in the love for her adoptive mom and grandparents. In 2013, Shagbottom lost her step brother to lymphoma and has yet to talk about the loss. All that is known is that she was his soul heir and the subject remains a sore one, so we won’t be going there today. The Golden Retriever-Yellow Labrador mix hasn’t missed a step despite the hardhisp and her comedy act is gaining ground.

Miss Shagbottom pictured with her late brother, Fancy Crest’s Maximillian. We will not be inquiring into her brother during the course of the interview, to keep things from going all Barbara Walters.

The interview was an interesting one to say the least. Brought in by K. Williams on the end of a fuchsia leash, the seemingly innocuous Shagbottom sat on the couch and then proceeded to stare at me expectant of the questions, with nary a hello. Then again, I was just finishing a lunch of grilled chicken and sweet potato fries, her favorite. Wiping my hands, I excused myself and began the interview.

Q: What is something mom always says to you?

A: Get off that goddamn couch, how many times have I told you. It’s not enough that I work all day, but then I come home and I have to brush the couch down from all the dog fur on it. Don’t look at me with those doe eyes. You have your own couch. You should lie on that couch and then you’d not get yelled at.

Q: What makes mom happy?

A: Her list of seven, Swedish Fish, peanut butter, sharing her food with me, long walks in the evening, playing in the park, kisses and snuggles on a cold night.

Q: List of Seven?

A: These seven men she likes. I’m not allowed to say who in interviews, cause that could be embarrassing for her. She’s a writer–they’re really sensitive–and like to hide in their offices making people up instead of dealing with real ones.

Q: Understandable. People can be a bit of drain on the constitution. Tell me, what makes your mom sad?

A: That I don’t like the new food she got me, but it’s cheep crap. I do my best to choke it down, but I hope to God she doesn’t buy it again. I saw a new bag in the kitchen and it looks different. I’ve only been dropping hints since she started feeding this Royal Swill to me.

Q: How does your mom make you laugh?

A: My mom is a really funny person, but it’s mostly not on purpose. Sometimes I think, if I wasn’t there she’d be in trouble–tripping up the stairs, spilling things on herself when she’s eating, slipping on the wood floors in her socks. This one time we were out walking and she tripped on the sidewalk. (snorty laughter) It’s a good thing she has this leash attached to her. It wouldn’t surprise me if she wandered off and got hurt out there.

Q: What was your mom like as a child?

A: (Staring incredulous for a moment.) I’m only five and half, and I realize that translates to around 35 in human years, but I didn’t literally live 35 human years. I’ve lived only five and a half years. Follow? I don’t know. I couldn’t tell you, but Nonna says she was just as silly then, singing that song by The Clash “Rock the Casbah” as Rock the Catbox. I know she’s liked Swedish Fish forever, so she liked candy. In pictures, she’s got strawberry gold hair, like mine, and put it into pig tails. She was sorta cute for an ape with very little hair.

Shagbottom backstage after her rendition of Faust.

Q: How old is your mom?

A: Oh, Mom just had a birthday, too. She’s super old! Two-hundred and eighty! Wait….I mean forty.

Q: How old was your Mom when you were born?

A: (doing math to herself on her paws, looking up at the ceiling…looks pensive). Thirty Four.

Q: How tall is your mom?

A: Compared to me, she towers, but seeing her next to other people, she seems kinda small.

Q: What is her favorite thing to do?

A: Watch movies on netflix. If she’s not blogging, writing a book or researching, she’s binge watching flix.Which, is so HARD to deal with sometimes, cause I want to go for walks, especially on the weekends. Oh, and she likes to bake.

Q: What does your mom do when you’re not around?

A: Well, I’m always around. I’m a stay at home dog. She leaves during the week to what she calls a job, trying to convince me it’s for my well being. I don’t really know. She has brought me to this place she calls the office, and there are all these other people there with tables and chairs. I smell coffee everywhere and sometimes their lunches. They give me cookies and scritches. It’s a nice place, but they’re intimidating so I don’t like to stay long. Besides, when I get her out, I want to walk and go to the park.

Q: What does your mom do for a job?

A: I’m not really sure what she does there. She has a desk with a computer on it, probably the same thing she does with that dumb machine at home: surf the web and ignore me. She blogs and writes books and does screenplays, though too, but not there. And pho–pho-photography. I hate that word. She takes a lot of pictures of me and sometimes flowers…the ducks in the park.

Q: If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

A: Writing. Mom works lots of long hours, not just her day job and she’s constantly trying to do better and build awareness about things like equality, native rights, animal rights. She’s got a big heart. So maybe it will be philanthropy. Did you see that she did a fund raiser for St. Jude for her birthday? I did a Shagbottom Theater spot promoting it and we raised about 140 bucks the last time I checked it. Not too shabby!

Q: What is your mom really good at?

Shagbottom’s Brun Hilde

A: She’s pretty good at a lot of stuff, but, as I said before, can be an awkward thing. She’s good at hugs. I luff her hugs–oh, and the cookies she makes me. Those things are awesome.

Q: What is your mom not very good at?

A: Picking out dog food! (snorty laughter)

Q: What is your mom’s favorite food?

A: Oh! I Know this one! French Fries!

Q: What makes you proud of your mom?

Sadie Sue Shagbottom in Wardrobe, backstage at Shagbottom Theater (Yes, that’s K. Williams).

A: How proud she is of me when we walk down the street. Her head is high and her eyes sparkle and she just glows when I get a compliment. These two boys were walking by us the other day and one said he wanted me, and the friend said, do you want me to steal it? It! they called me an It! Then, my mom said, I will kill you if you try–to my Aunt Rachel who was with us. She would though. Nobody would get away with trying to steal me–they called me it!

Q: If your mom were a character, who would she be?

A: Annoying? Is that a character? Just kidding. Let me think about this a moment. Well–a long time ago she wrote this fan fiction for X-Men based on the movies with number–I mean Hugh Jackman. Whispers: He’s not on the list. She took him off cause he’s married and she thinks they’re awesome and hopes they stay that way–as if she could steal this man away. (eye roll) So, that character is called Gemini, because she can split into two separate people, but has mind powers and electricity, and flies with these little angel wings. Maybe her. Or–no–wait! Captain Maiel. She’d be Captain Maiel. She’s a great guardian.

Q: What do you and your mom do together?

A: Just about everything we can. The stupid stores don’t let me in because I’m not certified as a therapy dog, as if their dander is less offensive. (snorts) We go to the park, she gets me fro-yo from Ben and Jerry’s, we walk around the city, watch movies, plays in the yard, visit Nonna and Poppy…stuff like that.

Q: How are you and your mom the same?

A: we’re both gingers and we both love food.

Q: How are you and your mom different?

A: (laughter) She’s a human and I’m a dog, silly!

Q: How do you know your mom loves you?

A: She tells me a lot. But, I know, because she takes me for those walks and lets me pick the way. She picks up my poop and puts in the trash bin. She gives me special cookies she makes herself and even makes me fro-yo at home. I get to lick the bowls and pans when the food is safe for me to have. She makes me sweet potatoes and chicken. I sleep on her bed with her, and sometimes–in the night–she reaches over to make sure I’m there and gives me a little scritch. When it’s cold, she makes sure I have a blanket. That last bite of something, she gives to me, though it might be her favorite part.

Q: Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?

A: Disney World, but she hasn’t been in like fifteen years. That makes her pretty sad, too.

Q: Well, that’s all the questions I have for today, thank you for stopping by and giving me this interview. Best of luck to you with Shagbottom Theater. It was a pleasure to meet you.

A: Thanks for having me! (Get’s off the couch and offers her dainty retriever paw with a wide grin).

To learn more about Sadie Sue Shagbottom or Shagbottom Theater, just click the link here or on the sidebar.

Dog Germs May Be Good For Us, And Here’s Why

March 30, 2015 By Captain Maiel

If you’ve been following the blog, then you now I love my dog. Sadie Sue Shagbottom even has her own place here. She’s the heart of my heart. So, when this article wended by, I was like…oh, good! Finally, something that will put to rest the “Get Hot Water! Get the Disinfectant!” Lucy from Peanuts screams from the dogs are icky crowd. Thank you, I’ll take my slice of germs, lower blood pressure and reduced stress with a side of fur on everything and unconditional love.

Dogs are everything. Read more…