♦Welcome to another edition of the Open Book Blog Hop!♦
Topic #529
Stolen from Deanna Martinez-Bey and Writer’s Digest: What is on your joy list?
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Throughout my career, I have had the privilege of working with truly good people. Most of my work centered around social services and helping the general public. It’s something I grew up with in my parents, and something I became focused on early in my education. There is no wonder that I eventually earned a fellowship for this in my writing and completed a Master’s Degree.
That career in service has had me down many a road. Training and conferences kept our eyes on filling our cups and balancing our lives with our work. You can’t pour from an empty cup, for instance. From leadership to coping, there’s a lot of skills to develop that are imperative to your career and well-being in such a field.
There were two pieces of advice that I carry with me these nearly 30 years of work:
- QTIP – Quit Taking It Personal
- The Smile File
What are these things?
Before I get into this, I want to say that these things have morphed into social media saves (like albums on FB, bookmarks on Insta, saves on TikTok) usually titled Joy or something like it. It’s a good tool!
The QTIP was taught me by one of my favorite bosses. I see you out there Patricia! She is why I got my degree and pushed through my days as staff support. She saw the best in me and saw that I could reach higher and do amazing things. Sure, I was probably hard to push into it, because I couldn’t see the trees for the forest in my despondency, but she was good at coaching. My leadership skills, ability to conduct a concise and focused meeting, and keeping a good mood all come from her.
Patricia had me tape a literal qtip to my monitor. At this time, we were taking calls from staff and the street, and they could get confrontational. From hello, some folks just don’t have any respect for others even when seeking their help. She made sure I never have to take people being foul, something that wasn’t supported in retail where I had learned my customer service. She also made sure that I understood none of it was personal, even when they said you.
Folks will call a phone line bent out of their mind about something. Whoever they get on the other end is about to catch the brunt of their frustration. Sometimes, that was me. Regardless of me in a position to help clear this all up, they would be nasty as could be, even lying on my name. That QTIP stood there quietly reminding me that they were talking to their frustration through me.
This wasn’t perfect, but it was a big help. Most calls ceased to escalate. If they escalated they ended until that person could call back in a calm manner. No one needs to deal with that. In fact, I believe customer service centers need to take this tack, too. Bring courtesy and respect back. Especially, bring back self-respect. Being rude to others only shows on you. Respect yourself.
So, how did I manage dealing with the build up of stress from these calls or interactions? That’s where a Smile File Comes in! This was taught to me early in my clerical days in a purchasing office. This job was great for getting my office bearings and giving me monstrous typing skills. I was in my early twenties and fresh out of working customer service in retail and a bank. Those jobs leave you traumatized by Karens. So there was a lot of healing on top of my training.
The Smile File was told to me by colleague with longevity in the procurement field. She understood exactly what I had gone through and what was needed to move on from it. Time and coping skills. Of course, I had to answer phones, and this was where I first started getting irate customers on the phone, to back up all that I had experienced in person at the previous jobs. It was a lot less, but the trauma was done and I braced and I stressed.
This colleague suggested I keep a folder (physical, email, computer) that housed communications that complimented my work or me, items that made me feel peace such as pictures or poems, and anything that simply made me smile for no reason at all. To this day, I have a smile file. I keep one in my email, a physical file, and a computer document file (for images and writings). As a writer, you’d keep inspiration, reviews, and kind emails in these.
This even grew into my happy time playlist! Now, you might not know this was my happy song list from all the industrial, metal, and rap banging away in it, but it is loud and distracting. That means, the inner dialogue can’t beat me down, rehashing old wounds and slights. Can’t hear it! And the beats reenergize me. When you can’t stick your feet in the ocean, a good beat can wash off the muck of ass holes.
Do it for your best self.
We are never going to get away from all the cantankerous folks out there. Somehow they still find me regardless of how little I go out. They manage to work their way up to my front door in some manner–online, on my phone, on my ass in traffic. But I don’t care about them anymore. That trauma is healed. Not to mention that I have learned to out-Karen them, so they need to watch it. I look all sweet and quiet, but I will burn it all down if pressed. I learned to fight back and effectively.
Let me tell you, I wish I could gift this mouth/knowledge to my 20 year old self! So much of the suffering I went through because of unhinged people in the public was because I was prepared to be a kind and yielding figure, when I had a strong and fiery spirit. The depression mostly only comes back when I am squashing my needs and cramming myself into boxes other people put out for me.
Put up that QTIP to remind you that it’s misdirected energy and not to accept it into your life. Create a smile file to combat the muck put on you despite refusing to take it. Most of all, remember courtesy and respect is more about you and your image in the world. Good energy is just as contagious as bad. Choose good.
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I’ve been on the receiving end of some “customer feedback” that still makes me wince. I love the idea of a smile file, it’s a simple thing that can help you when times feel tough.
It can really stick with you!
Some people aren’t satisfied unless they can make everyone else as miserable as they are. They hate running into me.
I’ve definitely learned to put them back in their place. I always wished for other customers to speak up, trying to understand why they wouldn’t, and determined I will have to be that person in the future.
Yes, it was less than joyous being on the end of a phone when I worked in the Department of Pain Medicine. People would shout at me that they’d been waiting too long for their procedure. I’d warn them that I was going to put the phone down if they didn’t stop shouting, and sometimes I had to. They’d phone again, all apologetic! I also had a smile file containing thank you cards. Great post, Kelly!
Thanks, Stevie! I bet you did get some out of control calls. Medical field is very stressful, all around.