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Write a diary entry or a letter from your character’s point of view.
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This entry is going to feel like a girl’s diary. Dear Diary… I can’t help that, but my dearest Maiel is rolling deep in the turmoil of her recent incarnation. Oh…Let me introduce myself. I am Captain Zaajah of the Order of Horus. I am a guardian, a duta. my duty is to watch over my dearest friend as she works on the dharma of her husband, who is a soul, not like us. It is difficult, and I worry for her. The trials she undergoes are harsh. Dominic never seems to gather that his floundering is hurting those around him. In each life, I have watched her work so hard to wake him, but he fails to gain much ground.
Understand my perspective. Although I should question everything as her prime guardian, I feel that I should not be so negative, as many souls take a long route to rising. Yes, I see that he isn’t that different from them. Yet, it has been centuries with little growth. Dominic seems drawn to the fire of suffering, especially if it draws done others. I have not yet voiced my concern to the council, and I fear saying a thing to Maiel. She is so determined. Her true heart would be struck by such words, and there is no way she would not respond with anger.
Yet, the smell of something sinister is rising. What about their children? Since her last incarnation, Maiel has been shadowed and inattentive. Most of the children are nearly fully grown, but they still need their mother’s guidance. Her distraction could harm her charges, as well. I have recently learned that she will be overseeing the incarnation of soul on the cusp of rising. If Maiel doesn’t focus, this could draw that child down from her rising. Such a strike to the dharma is not just problematic. Maiel could receive a censure from the council.
Because of this, I have determined to keep my eye close on my moon lion. Maiel cannot be left to decline. She is one of the greatest leaders her order has. I see her rising to higher ranks. I just cannot accept that her fate would be to fall from us. Such a thing cannot be tolerated. I’ll fight it to my end, if I must.
Looking back through the many notes I have made in the Akashic Record, I cannot say I didn’t see this coming for sometime. It just has taken the level rising for me to take greater note. In these times, I miss our dear friend who has retreated to the wilderness to keep company with his packs. Why did you abandon us, Primus? This is when we need you most. Was it the arrival of the soul that sent you away? Did you know how hard this path would be for her, and were unable to watch? What friend just walks away from supporting their dearest?
Perhaps, I should speak to Ibajah. My evocati is very wise and patient. Perhaps he will see it clearer than I, as he is not as close to Maiel as I am. Ibajah understands human men very well, and has been an exemplary guardian to them. His insight on Dominic may be enlightening. He’ll agree that I am being girlish in this dear diary moment.
It is my hope that Captain Maiel will not read this entry until this time has much past. If she were to learn of my doubts, it may weaken her already fragile state. The sisters have been kind enough to ensure that this record will remain secret, but sometimes they reveal thins to the inquisitor regardless. If Maiel should inquire, then they will likely reveal my words to her. In the end, it is her right to know what she demands to know. Still, I feel keeping some thoughts hidden would be helpful to her, as she struggles. Maiel doesn’t need doubt. She needs me to lift her up and make this easier.
The king be praised, but I it is my hope to push away my ketu permanently. In guiding Maiel, I have found that these personal relationships can be a detriment, but more over they are distracting. Rising is my prime focus: the rising of my charges and myself. Children, furthermore, are simply not on my list. It is not that I don’t adore them, because I have found Maiel’s children to be quite satisfying for the heart, but I could not risk that much love to such a dependent thing. No horde of Jahannam scares me as much as mothering a child. That path is not one I wish to ever walk. That’s a page for my own dear diary.
Looking to Maiel’s choices, I know that her gift as a mother is one of her greatest strengths. I only wish this could have evolved with a better partner for all concerned. Dominic has his redeeming qualities, but his other side has truly drained his family. I don’t think any of them see it either. Is it my place to say anything about this? Souls, after all, are quite taxing. He is mostly typical of humans. Yet, sometimes, the things he does cross a line.
Taking Maiel to the isolation of Eden was a questionable move. Had they remained in Arcadia, I think the support and light would have nourished him. Dominic insisted, though. He needed the peace and isolation for his art. That said, I feel I could pinpoint this moment as the start of Maiel’s struggles. Of course, the entire ketu was the start. Her tragic expression on the day they were announced spoke volumes to my heart.
In addition, The loss of the Primus at that same time, when he retreated to the wood, broke her heart. A ketu is supposed to be a happy event. The three of us, though, were not excited. Maybe I should have thrown out my questions to the council, but I did not believe this my place to speak up. Maiel’s mother was quite pleased on the matter, and her being a high-alder made this seem all just a matter of awkwardness.
Looking back, though, in light of everything… why didn’t anyone question it? Damn my greenness in those days.
Closing this log entry, as I need to report to the gates to see Maiel off with Lena.
Mudrita etad prstha.