♦Welcome to another edition of the Open Book Blog Hop!♦
Topic #153
Do you believe in true love?
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I’m not sure that my idea of true love will match that of the next person. Absolutely we all share in a similar human culture that agrees on the idea of love, but I have found that the specifics of what it is happens to be more nuanced than your average soap opera. Years ago, this discussion came up in one of my undergraduate classes in writing and literature. My professor tried to get the students to describe love. Most of them were still describing a pretty Polyana view, something sold to us as kids–overly sanitized, because we were in the classroom among professional peers. To discuss the unspoken angles of adoration and sex was taboo. It was adorable to watch twenty-somethings struggle to keep it clean, when they damn well knew better.
I didn’t disagree with them either. My heart hurt a little to think of love as anything but true and pure, and all of that Disney rose glow we like to imagine love is. I had been in relationships with just that in mind, although I had been disappointed each time. To this day, I still have not met a man who has made wedding bells ring, or inspired me to remain. My sense was they were interested in the physical aspects of love, without the love or even a bit of interest in me as a person. Rather, they were focused on their own needs, not letting it occur to them that taking should be accompanied by giving in fair amounts. (Before anyone decides to flood the comments with women do this, too. I’ll remind you that I am speaking about the men I have dated. I have not dated women. So, including them would be beyond that experience I’m highlighting, and fiction.)
Regardless of how I have been treated, and there was sunlight in each of those storms, to this day, I do believe there is a thing called love. I believe there is such a thing as true love. What I don’t believe is the fairy tale that’s ingrained in us by our culture. For some, sure. It can happen that way. it’s a beautiful thing to witness. A good number of us will never find a lasting love that even comes close to that ideal, however. Many will remain alone their whole lives. It’s math: probability.
In speaking of this with a friend one time, I ignited a firestorm from him. He eventually said: I have to believe there’s a love for everyone, because I want that for myself. The memory is still quite clear in my mind. It marks when I realized I had turned a corner. The conditioning had finally let go, but how could it not in the wake of so much proof otherwise.
But, yes. I do believe in true love. I just don’t believe it looks the same for everyone, or that it’s a fairy tale happy ending for everyone who encounters it. True love can be as painful as it is wonderful. It will be messy from time to time, if not all the time.
Let’s hop on over and check out what the other authors have to say…
You sense that the young men you dated were only interested in the physical aspects of love, and this is so true for men of that age. When I first started dating many years ago my aunt gave me very good advice. She said that women want love, but men want sex. Venus and Mars. It was ever thus.
It’s so true. I never seemed to align with men who said they felt the same as me. Either I sensed their lie, or something else that put me off. It really felt like they use sex as a weapon, so to speak–to leverage things, to feel power, and so on. That always made me so unhappy, and they couldn’t have cared less, so long as they were getting what they were after. It’s interesting, though, when the shoe is on the other foot, and how hurt they seem to be when you’re not filling out your role as the lovelorn, instead of the girl just getting hers as well. So many men have complained to me about how women treat them, and I have to ask, why then, do you continue to set up the system? Probably is just virtue signaling to try and get an in. LOL
You pointed out a reason I don’t think true love exists because it’s not the same thing for everyone nor is it the same for one person all their life.
I totally get that. But I don’t think difference negates it. I also think it’s not limited to one person for everyone. But, you could still be right. Science marks it as chemicals and neurons. It may be that ‘love’ is simply a myth utilized by the brain to trick us into procreation, and thus society continues to push the narrative, because society seems to often align with the desire to propagate and carry forward.
I didn’t go looking for love when I was a teenager because I had other goals in life (and marriage wasn’t one of them.) So when love found me, I wasn’t ready for it. But when it threw itself at me, I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t take was I was being offered.
You absolutely can’t make it happen. It will or won’t come to you. I’m so glad you found someone and hope you know how lucky you are, or rather that it found you. That’s a real treasure to have (even when they’re making us crazy).
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