EXCLUSIVE! Interview with Prof Wm.P Hightrousers, Phd, MBE. Let’s begin…
Q: Professor, I’m delighted to have this opportunity to chat. Thank you for agreeing to this interview. I know our readers will love it, beca…..
A: I SHAN’T go into THAT; so don’t bother asking me!
Q: Ask? Uh…no, I was just thanking you; haven’t even started the questions yet, Professor.
A: Let me tell YOU, sir. Let ME tell YOU!
Q: Err….ok….. Tell me what, Professor? I’m listening. Is there some controversy you’re upset about? You seem to be a bit on edge; do you wish to re-schedule this? Really, it’s no trou….
A: MY SCHEDULE is INTOLERABLE! QUITE! It’s insufferable! That fat, arrogant, lazy BASTARD, Department Chair Thornburn is hell-bent on making my life miserable. Well, he can SOD OFF. I refuse to be rattled by his childish, petulant, ill-mannered over-reaching authority. I’ll fix HIS flabby-assed wagon! I’ll FIX it; you can be sure! It was HE who called the authorities that evening! That sanctimonious git! Jealous of my fame and popularity!
Q: Professor, are you referring to the bagpipe rehearsal incident? And secondly, are you intoxicated now, Professor?
A: Quite! Thronburn was behind that. And you can quote me on THAT, Harold!
Q: It’s ‘Hank,’ professor. Ok…noted. So, you’re under the influence now?
A: ‘Hank,’ ‘Hamish,’ ‘Haddock,’ whatever your alias is. Influence? I’ll show you influence! Ask me about my WORK.
Q: Alias, Professor? No…that’s my real name. Never mind. Ok, Perfect segue. While we’re on the subject of ‘aliases,’ can you please tell me, for our readers, how you arrived at what is perhaps your greatest, and well-known work, and surely, the impetus of your popularity: the character you created, “Lord Brigadier Pennypacker?”
A: In-DEED, my fine scribe. Indeed. I began penning non-sense about this “Pennypacker” character, initially, as a means of avoiding wor….AHEM….I mean, as a means of enabling my literary brilliance a small bit of creative writing fun in the infrequent downtime I had at the University. Never had any idea it would become so well-liked outside of campus. None what-so-ever.
Initially, don’t you know, I HID the fact that I was the author. One, I’m quite modest. And two, Thornburn, that jealous half-wit (don’t quote me on that part; he’ll see this, the oaf.), would have never tolerated the fact that I, the rising star of the University, was making a better living at penning simple lampoons and satirical folly, than I was as a scholar and teacher at the region’s leading institution of higher learning. Such is the lot of an academic. Sigh.
Q: Can you comment on the rumors that a film deal with Hollywood is in the works, Professor?
A: Perhaps. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must keep an appointment with my solicitor, Galusha V. Peppes, esq. Good day, sir.
Q: One last, quick question, Professor. Was there REALLY a ‘Lippingloss Twins Incident,’ and, if so, who are these women?
A: You sniveling bastard! Of COURSE they’re REAL. Do you think I’d make UP some absurd ribald tale as that, and keep a salacious story afloat, for years, just to gratify my own ego, and foster a false sense of machismo amongst my followers???
Q: Yes.
To learn more about the Professor, join him on Facebook!
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Hank Grizniack, for the Merion Ledger
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